INTERVENTION: BOUNDARIES VS CONSEQUENCES
When working with a family and preparing them for an intervention, two very important topics are discussed at length. These topics are Boundaries and Consequences.
Boundaries are something that each family member puts into place in order to begin positive change in their own lives. Boundaries are protecting oneself and taking care of oneself. In other words no longer allowing unhealthy and negative behaviors to dictate the course of your life.
One example of a boundary can be saying, “Going to a movie with you when you are intoxicated is not enjoyable for me. It makes me feel very uncomfortable and anxious. Therefore I will not be going to a movie with you if you are under the influence. I’ll go with a friend instead.” In this case, you are making the decision to not put yourself in an uncomfortable position, in order to truly have the fun and relaxing time that you deserve.
Consequences are something different. A consequence is not a punishment. We do not punish adults, we punish children. instead, a consequence is allowing our loved one to experience the natural consequences of poor decision making. The poor decisions that are being driven by their active addiction.
An example of a consequence would be no longer allowing the use of your car. Example: You have a son or daughter that borrows your car or even takes your car at will. Sometimes to go purchase drugs and/or alcohol. You can say, “Son/daughter, that car belongs to me and is insured in my name. You are often intoxicated when you choose to drive it. I also suspect that you are using it to go and buy drugs and/or alcohol. Therefore as of right now you are no longer allowed to use my car. You can take an Uber or a taxi if you need to go somewhere and I won’t be paying for it either.” From that point forward you make sure that your loved one no longer has access to the car keys. This an example of what is a consequence and a boundary. Another example of a consequence is to not bail a loved one out of jail again. Maybe for the 10th time. No more rescuing!
If we do not allow our loved one to experience the natural consequences of their active addiction, then why would they change? They have no reason to! It is boundaries and consequences that will typically cause a person with an addiction to want to change and recover.
Remember that whatever boundaries and/or consequences are put into place, they must be followed through on. Otherwise, they are just empty words. If nothing changes, then nothing changes.
Love and light to you all!
